The Further Adventures of Wisconsin Johnson

Remember, kittens, the weekend before and during the move? You heard my side of that dreadful story. Now it's the hubby's turn to tell his tale. A tale of misfortune, exhaustion, anger, and ... coughing fits?

If you think that's bad, wait till part III, when he completes his trilogy and discards his self-acclaimed title of Wisconisn Johnson and becomes none other than....

Minne-snow-ta Meister.

Planes, Trains, and yes Automobiles...

cue : Learn to Fly by the Foo Fighters

Sunday 4:15pm

Our intrepid adventurer leaves the cozy confines of home, heading forth into the great unknown. Actually, most people in Wisconsin call it I-94. Nevertheless our hero makes his way to The People's Republic of Madison. Land of pot smoking, tree hugging, socialists. Dodging tree huggers and taxes, he finds the bus station. After showing Mrs. Wisconsin Johnson the secret route out of the communist block, they proceed to the bus station. After a fond farewell, he boards the bus for uncharted territory.

His first mishap is accepting a young college student for a traveling partner. As soon as the bus leaves the depot, she is consumed by a coughing fit. Realizing there's literally no place to go, W.J. girds his loins and faces the window. Determined not to breathe the same air, he tries to catch some sleep. It's not possible, though as his jammed packed companion is coughing and sneezing every five minutes...

The bus ride takes forever. Five hours of coughing, cramping, and sleeplessness, surely our hero will get sick!

12:15 (am or pm, whichever midnight is) St Paul, MN

The bus was late and now the terminal is closed. Leaping from the back of the bus our hero dodges people and runs to the only cab outside the terminal. With luck he secures the cab to transport him to the airport. The cabbie deposits W.J. at the airport by 12:45. He's made it...

Made it in plenty of time, tons of time in fact. His flight won't leave until 7:30am...

The waiting game.

Wisconsin Johnson has been blessed. He possesses a rare ability. Two abilities actually. The first is the ability to occupy himself in moments of boredom. The second is his uncanny ability to sleep anywhere, anytime. Both powers are pushed to the limit as the minutes tick slowly by. If only there was an early morning bus, this wouldn't have happened.

2:40 am

He drifts off.

3:15 am

He wakes to people. Lots of people. A deserted terminal is starting to fill. By 4:30 the line is huge. He shakes his head in disbelief. Apparently he's not the only crazy person.

9:45 am

Dallas Baby!

The Wisconsin Cowboy fan exits the plane in a flourish. He's excited beyond belief. The first business trip with the new company, the first time in Dallas. After a quick train ride to the other part of the terminal, He and "the man" check into the proper gate. A couple of hours and the last plane will leave for Amarillo and journey's end. He can see the promised land (food and bed). The helpful attendant has reminded us to come back to the gate early as some gates might change.

1:30 pm

Change of plans...

Wisconsin Johnson and "the man" bumped for luggage? What, What, What, What? Tired to the bone, W.J. stares with disbelief at the attendant. Apparently luggage is more important than passengers. blah, blah, weight restrictions, blah, blah, safety. We're going to fly your luggage to Amarillo but you are getting bumped. He and "the man" are faced with a choice. Flight tomorrow or rental car. The airline is not going to spring for a hotel or car. It's six hours to Amarillo by car. If we would have been told when we checked in, we'd be halfway there by now. W.J. feels a rock bottom coming on. If you smell what he's cooking...

Well, in our hero's many travels, he's never seen rural Texas. Well, he has now. It's a lot like central IL. Flat, treeless agriculture. Just cotton instead of corn.

The narrator hopes you can see where he's going with this. Pushed to the edge of exhaustion, W.J. arrives in the hotel room and sweet, blissful sleep. He has traveled for roughly 28 hours, by SUV, bus, cab, plane, train, and rental car. Wait till he completes the trilogy: the trip home...

Thank you, God, for I-Pods and books.