Finally!

Well, here it is. The promised final saga in the epic Adventures of Wisconsin Johnson.

Hold onto your hats and prepare yourself for unseasonable weather, leaky hotel rooms, fearful gauntlets, and completely idiotic airline staff.


Episode III: The Return of the Johnson

When we last left our intrepid adventurer, his stamina had been pushed to the limit by the evil planes, trains, & automobiles. Well, fasten your seat belt, because the trip home was just as exciting...

The first trip with "the man" was planned when Wisconsin Johnson thought he was going to be Minne-snow-ta Meister. So with a flight planned to MSP (a Twin Cities airport) instead of MKE (Brew City airport) our hero awaits the day he returns to the beautiful Mrs. Wisconsin Johnson...

Amarillo is in Texas (here's my sign). Texas is warm. Much warmer than WI. Or so he thought. The shorts our hero packed stayed in his adventure duffel. The last night a storm hit. November rain. Nope, it was a snowstorm. In Texas. WTF? The ancient hotel was poorly sealed. The cold wind blowing off the plain came through the wall heater. And the bottom of the sliding glass door to the balcony. Then the snow came in. Yes, snow. In the room. Wisconsin Johnson braved the blowing wind and sealed the door with pillows. The unit became the mummy with all the towels. A warmth filled the room and he slept. And let's not lie, he snored too...

Wisconsin Johnson awoke to a winter wonderland in Texas. More snow than MN or WI had seen all year was lying on the ground. With an afternoon flight, he wasn't worried. Leaving the job site before close to make the airport, he goes through the security checkpoint. He finds the flight delayed. Calling the cubicle buddies who hadn't passed the security gauntlet, they decided on the adult beverages featured in the beautiful airport adult beverage area. Back through the gauntlet he went. After partaking of bathroom inducing barley pop the new time arrives. WJ is chosen for the gauntlet crossing again. He makes it quicker this time as his bag is left with cubicle buddies. He returns in a few minutes to inform the crew of more delays. Another adult beverage or two, and another gauntlet run.

This time the gauntlet becomes a formality as the security people are familiar with our hero. "Good afternoon, Mr. Wisconsin Johnson" as he breezes through almost without stopping. Canceled. It's now night...

After being "taken care of" by the attendant who guaranteed the first flight the next day they return to the leaky hotel. Our hero is supposed to be home tomorrow to pick up a moving truck in IL. So the truck can be in WI on Saturday and MN on Sunday.

The flight leaves for DFW at 05:45 am. They make DFW and find the helpful attendant has not booked the next flight for MSP. With another delay on the horizon, WJ seeks an alternate flight. Going straight to MKE would save precious time that's slipping away. With the delay and screw up, the evil airline made the switch for free. Now he can avoid the rental car and five hour drive from MSP to WI. He calls Mrs. WJ to tell her the good news.

Mrs. WJ cringes in terror as the word comes through the phone. Didn't he know MKE was in a white-out? The DFW board is lying. The airport is all but shut down, businesses are closed, schools are closed. The roads are treacherous.

The only stroke of luck that WJ has had on this trip finally comes through. The attendant never canceled his flight to MSP. So he switches back to that flight and leaves later that day, getting to MSP by early afternoon. The day is shot, the moving plans shredded like government documents.

Renting a spacious, quick, and stylish Hyundai Accent he braves the drive after grueling flights and delays. Getting home has been another and final adventure for Wisconsin Johnson. And so the trilogy ends with Mrs. Wisconsin Johnson experiencing:

The Return of the Johnson...